http://redd.it/3b2are作者：Meistermalkav
The party are my friends. I am only allowed to hurt them when they hurt me first.
The wizzard is smart. I should ask him first if I do not understand something.
The paladin is crying a lot. Because of things that I do. I must be nice to the paladin.
The gunslinger is scary. He is allowed to be scary, because I am scary to him as well.
The rogue is nice. I must be nice to him because he knows interesting things. If I punch him again he may not be as interesting anymore, even if he deserved it.
The small bird that follows the wizzard is not for eating. The small lizzard was not for eating either, but it's too late for that.
The paladins god is like her ancestor. He watches her everywhere she goes, but I can not see him. That is why she does not like other men watching her too much.
The gunslingers guns have just as much right to be there are as I do, even if they smell strange. I may not wash them in the river without asking.
I must not listen to the rogue when he tries to get me to do something when the others are not there. Not even if I like it.
The tavern is like a meeting tent of the clan. It is ok to bring your weapons, but you are supposed to beat people with your hands in there.
I may wipe my hands on the tavern dog if they get dirty. Wiping them on the tavern girls or boys clothing is out, unless we are in special taverns.
I may not throw things at the tavern girls to get their attention. Not even if I can do it without hurting them.
If the food arrives, I may not eat all of it. I have to leave something for my friends.
I have to use the small weapons that they bring with the food, even if I do not understand their purpose. It is not good to use the small weapons to defend my plate. I may use my hands, but only after asking the Wizard or the paladin.
I must eat some green. I can not only eat meat, and give the greens to the gunslinger. Even if he is an elf.
I may not eat as fast as I can. Even if others look at my food like they want to take it.
There are parts of the food that are not for eating. If I eat the plate, the bowl, or the mug, it hurts.
Just because I can do it does not mean I have to do it. Like eating a banana at once. Or a sausage. I may never Ever. or the Paladins god cries.
Some people will be disgusting because they drink milk. I am not allowed to point it out loudly to them, because I can be just as disgusting to them.
The city and most areas are ruled by a tribe called the Watch. It is like I am visiting a different tribes and step into their settlement. Their settlement their rules.
I may only wear clothes in a city. Even if iI was just swimming, or if it is really hot, or if the breeze is just nice. I may ask the paladin what clothes to wear. If I do not wear clothes, it's indecency, even if there are no children arpound, because children could see it.
I may not take what is not mine, even if I can. Mine is what I have in my backpack, and what was given to me. If I take what is not mine it is theft, and I will have to sleep in a dry cell with some nice straw. I must ask for the things I want to have first.
If someone asks me for my money, I have to listen closely. Either it is someone who wants some money, or someone who wants all my money. If they want all my money, I may beat them a little bit, if I bring the persoto the watch afterwards, and tell the wizzard. if it is a beggar, I can be nice to them. If they say they want to see me naked, I have to see the paladin so she can come and yell at them, and not show them.
The city is not for hunting. Even if there are animals running around freely. The animals may be part of a tribe I do not know.
Cities are not for sleeping in. That is called vagrancy. Special buildings in the city are for sleeping in. They are called taverns.
I may not hit people in the streets, unless they hit me first. Except the watch. They can hit me first.
even if the drunk people do it, I may not do my business on the streets. That is lewd and indecent.
I am allowed to help if I ask first.
Buldings are not for climbing. Even iof they are made from wood, and as big as trees. Even if I can do it. because it is endangerment, and the watch tribe will be angry at me.
City life is bad. I may go out of the city, but I have to return to my party.
If I am invited to temple, I may go there, and sit. If they ask us to siung, I may not sing louder then anybody else, even if I can and know the words.
I am not allowed to get breakfast in the city parks, they are for looking only.
Coins are not complicated. The reddish ones are coppers, the metal ones are silver, the yellow ones gold. I give as many as the thing costs. Only other people are allowed to negotiate.
I may not negotiate with my fists, my greatsword, or with nudeness.
I may not just bring dead animals to people to trade them in,. Not all people know how to make dead animals tasty. Neither am I allowed to offer to beat people for money.
I am required to have a bath once a month. Soap is not dangerous. it changes my skin because my skin is happy to see it. Afterwards, I get sausages. If the party wants to have me have a bath more often, they have to give me sausages.
There are people in the bath whop can help you bath. Some of them make you feel good. If I do not hit the people when they touch me, I get to find out who makes me feel good.
Inside the bath, I am allowed to have no clothes on.
I am not nallowed to go to the mens bath. I have to ask one of the people if I want something from the mens bath, and they bring it.
Previous experiences do not mean that I know. Just because I have done it allways that way does not mean that I am right.
Headbuttin a new horse to show it who the boss is does not allways work to my favor. it is much more enjoyable to have a live horse then a dead one.
When someone wants to have some real handshakes, it does not mean he is from my tribe and has heard from our custom to squeeze hands as hard as we can untill we see red, and then some more. Remember, these people work with their hands for a living, if I crusgh an other hand he can not work anymore.
When I hunt things by climbing up a tree, and then jumping down on something, grappling it, and biting it to death, my teammates may appreciate it when I tell them that I already ate the soft parts of the beast to make it lighter. Citypeople don't.
A tavern brawl does not mean I get to beat people with tavern desks.
When a Dwarf says he wants to speak eye to eye to me, I am not allowed to lift him on the tavern desk, even if I can.
I am not allowed to rip out pieces of park furniture because the chairs at the eatery are too small so sit comfortably. Even if I can, and promise to bring them back.
Even if the Paladins god wants it, I am not allowed to crush parts of statues, even if she orders me to to make her god not cry. Neither am I allowed to keep parts of statues in my pockets for later.
I have to use my indoor voice when in the city. People do not like when someone speaks loud enough to be understood by everybody.
When people say things like "I'd like to see that" or "That sounds unbelievable" or "Never inb a billion years", I am not allowed to prove them wrong with actions, only with words. Even if I could.
Humans in cities are not my family. I may not assume they are my family.
I may not explain my tribal life to anyone. It may be true that in the cold nights, you do not care who goes in the mammoth furs with you, but it makes people nervous and think bad of my tribe.
I may not assume Men are my brothers, even if they say so. Most men are far more squishy then my brothers, and ask for things that they do not want.
Just because I am bigger then most humans, I am not allowed to pick them up like children.
Windows are expensive. I am not allowed to poke them to see if they are there. They break easily. neither am I allowed to climb up and look into windows in the third floor, even if I can and even if I am bored.
Even if I can, if a door is locked, it means I have to get the rogue. I am not allowed to get the door to the rogue either.
I am not allowed to give children parts of my enemies. They may be happy about it, and have a lot less fear, but I am not allowed to.
I may not assume that just because someone lives in the city, they know everyboy in the city.
I may only help people in the city if they ask me to.
Hold the thief does not mean to pick up the running man, smash him against the wall as hard as I can, and then drop him. It means I have to give the running man a big hug, and wait for the watch. If the running person tries to hurt me, I may hug them a bit tighter, but that's it.
There are other Races living in the city. races I have not yet seen. Just as I have not seen them yet, they have not seen me yet. They have just as much right to be there as anybody.
Elves are the pointy ears. I am not allowed to pick up elves and bring them back to nature. even if they say they feel trapped in the city, and want to see the countryside.
Dwarves are small and have beards. I may not take a dwarf that wants to speak eye to eye to me, and lift him on a table. Even if I can. I have to say nice things about his beard.
Orcs have just as much of a right to be in the city as I have. Not all of them know how to fight.
I am not allowed to give elves a big hug when I have not had a bath. They vomit afterwards. They are also squishy.
Tieflings are people that look strange. I may not rub them to see if the skiun color comes off, unless they have said I may.
Halflings look like human children, but fatter. I may not take them and throw them as high as I can, before catching them again. They may not like it.
Gnomes are fun. They make complicated machines. If I see a gnome making the handmotions the wizzard showed to me in my direction, I am allowed to squeeze their hands as much as I can, and then some. The wizzard says they don't mind. They cook the best.
I may not speculate publically about how Aasimars are made. Not even if I know more about animals then the entire city.
I may not take other races that loose in combat to me as a pet. Even if I could.
Conversations inside the city are good. I may not take anything they say to me seriously.
I may not correct bards about how animals multiply, if I think children could be here, or the bard is listening.
I may not Smell people if I think they are lying.
I may bring a gift for the host if I can fit it through the door.
I may not lift a cart and carry it onwards to make room for our cart, even if I can. I have to ask the owner of the cart first.
In situations where we have to run, it is ok to carry smaller people over my shoulders. If I asked them first.
I may not assume plants in a garden are edible. Even if I do not understand, some plants in a garden are just for looking nice.
If someone of a family bites me, it is acceptable to carefully dislodge them from my area, and carry them to the wizzard. It is not acceptable to bite them back.
Most people are joking, unless the wizzard or the paladin says so. Joking is like fighting with words. I may only joke back if they joke about me.
I may not let small children play with my weapons. Not even if they can.
Buying things is complicated, but very simple.
Coins. The yellow one are gold. They are soft. The metal ones are silver. They are a bit softer. the red ones are copper. They look funny.
One of the coins has the king on it. The king is like the leader of the leader of tribes. I may not speculate what he has in his pants, because he already has a queen. I may say he looks nice.
I have to have the coins ready before I buy things. I may not leave them in my room. I may not say that I have them, but then not have them. I may not claim one coin is an other.
I may not show people that I can count. I may show my party members that I can count, one, two, many. I have to stop there, and let them laugh. I may not show anyone that I can count after that. Many one, many two, many many... That way, I can silently count in my head, and see if the people give me too little or too much.
If the people give me too little, I may not take them by the throat, and bring them to the next watch. I may scream for the watch, but I have to say it before.
I should ask the paladin what to wear. She is also a woman. I should wear clothes inside the city.
I may not take off my clothes in stores, where children or men could see me. Even if they ask me to. Because the paladins god said so. I may also not take my clothes off for the paladins god so he sees there is nothing wrong with my body, because it makes the paladin cry, and last time, the priests in the temple started acting strangely. I just have to accept that.
I may test things before I buy them. that does not mean I have to bend swords, even if I have some elves seen do the same. I may not try to rip clothes. I may not try to
If I have decided I want to buy things, the seller will tell me a price. I may not threaten him, or try to make the price less. That gets the tribe of the watch angry. I have to make little towers with the coins, so the seller can see I have the coins. Then, when he says that this is good, I may take what I bought, and he may take the coins, because they are now his, just like the thing I bought is now mine.
sex is natural, and it feels good. Everyone has it. I may have it too, but only with people that want to have it with me as well.
I may have sex with whomever I want to. The paladin says that men should have sex with women, and women should have sex with men, but the wizzard said that this was because she is the wife of her god. I should just leave it with the involved people.
I must be gentle to the people I have sex with, and make them feel good as well. Anything that requires a visit to the healer should only be done with a warning.
I may not ask if people want to have sex with me, when other people are around, because I do not know how to ask. The wizzard does, and has offered to ask for me.
I may have more sex and more people that are willing to have sex with me if I wash myself more often.
I may not mention how I know so much about how animals reproduce. This is talk for outside the city. Inside the city, I may only say, I work with animals.
I may not offer to show if I am built to scale. Ever.
I may get invited to special places, like operas or temples. If they sing a song, I should ask before I sing along, even if I know all the words, and can sing louder then their singers.
I may not stand up when people make theatre and tell them I saw exactly who did it. It is make belief.
Flowers are only for eating later in my room. Untill then, they are for smelling nice, and for people that do not know how to ask for having sex the right way.
I may only remoive parts from peoples bodies that I do know how to put back in afterwards. If I am unsure, I just shouldn't.
